The Jaguar's will: A dream with a message

I had a striking and jarring dream last week. I was deeply moved, and it taught me an important lesson that I hadn't fully appreciated previously. There are some who will say, “You must have had a bad dream, Natalie! ”. 

My opinion differs. Although the scenes were extremely violent and appalling, I feel I would not have been able to absorb the lesson without that level of fright. 

Darkness and light are necessary for growth, I was reminded.

In the same way as other dreams, I am not completely certain when, where, or how it began. 

I recall first noticing a deep grief toward feeling dismissed by other people. There were things (not necessarily material) that I wanted, but my requests were (or felt) disregarded. Despite my tireless efforts, I sensed that I was unable to communicate my needs adequately.

Suddenly, I realized people in the distance were shouting in terror.

My attention was drawn to a black Jaguar who appeared to be attacking the crowd. For one reason or another, I approached and quickly realized that it was mauling people who were doing things against their (own) will. There was something they wanted and were frustrated that they couldn't have it (they seemed very self-absorbed at the time) and their emotional state was leading them to their doom.

I was shocked and tried to distance myself when abruptly, I noticed a different pattern.

Observing, I noticed that it was now assaulting those who did not comply with MY wishes.

Alarmed, I contemplated my emotions - I didn't feel tyrannical, just saddened and unsure why I wasn't heard nor worthy of their attention and love.

As the Jaguar's actions intensified, I was mortified to see her disturbingly devouring people alive!

My thoughts immediately moved from wishing others' will, to resolving to my own (in order to protect them).

It became clear to me as I moved my will internally that it wasn't that I couldn't create what "I willed", but that I often went against it. 

By my own rejection, revulsion, and dissonance, I felt victimized and frustrated!

Many of my "desired actions" were false, and my impulse to respond was to do something I didn't want to do.

(I am reminded here of a quote by Rudolf Steiner in his Philosophy of Freedom “Am I forced by the motive? I’d have to be glad if I could not do what I will!”)

I was struck with a terrible fear when I recognized that if I wanted to survive, I had to purify my thoughts and get clear on my desires urgently.

I wondered, "What I really wanted and loved?". A quiver ran down my spine as I asked myself, "Why am I so inclined to go against those forces? "

In a sense of false responsibility and powerlessness, my initial response was to defy my will.

Until now, I'd never experienced such an obvious duality of mind, in consciousness. 

The moment I awoke, I knew I had just received an important message.

Uncoincidentally, my first thought of the day was about something I had to do that I did not love doing.

The Jaguar aggressively bounced into my thoughts as a stern warning!

I found my thoughts plagued by resistance as I quickly revised them under the Jaguar's wisdom.

I had just received a great gift and felt this incredible warmth filling me. 

The day ahead filled me with excitement. I felt energized instantly. 

During my morning meditation (reflection), I concluded that the extreme dark (Chthonic) energy of the Jaguar had to come forth in order for me to LISTEN to the intelligence. 

The consequence for going against our will, is in fact death!

Albeit, a slow and even more torturous death as we fade away into an abyss of nothingness (Ahriman). 

In order to follow thy will, we must own our will (not demand it from others) and lead and communicate with love (internally and externally). 

Within a week of my dream, I discovered a book called "Jaguar Woman" in my bedroom!

Immediately, I read it and was pleased to encounter a tale about a woman who overcomes emotional addiction and the fear of death! Coincidence? I think not!

My gratitude goes out to author Lynne Andrews for providing me with such a beautiful experience and to the Spirit animal of the black Jaguar.

I am listening.

Are you?